Part 2: Deal Breakers
Deal Breakers are our non-negotiables and one-incident relationship enders. Most of them we know and have expectations around, but rarely express. They can also be things that you had never even considered until now and want to set a hard boundary on. Deal Breakers are first-date conversation items, job negotiation items, and before I get into a car with you items. They are not rules that other people must follow; we don’t have any business putting rules on others, but the standards you keep for what you allow in your life. If someone chooses not to honor one of your established Deal Breakers, they indicate they do not wish to continue a relationship with you.
Here are some examples of Deal Breakers in different contexts. These will not be the same for everybody. We are all different and have our own ideas about how we wish to be treated. They are just examples and my not apply to you.
Examples of Deal Breakers in Dating or Romantic Relationships
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Violence in any form (yelling, name-calling, door slamming, manipulation, unwanted or aggressive physical touch).
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Stealing or Lying
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Criminal Behavior or Drug Use
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Cheating in an established monogamous relationship
Examples of Deal Breakers in Business
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Being yelled at or berated
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Being asked to work “off the clock”
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Not being paid for your service (“It will be great exposure for you!”)
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Being asked or expected to do something illegal or immoral (fudge the numbers, operate in the “grey areas”)
Examples of Deal Breakers with Friends & Family
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Jim has had 3 DUIs; it is not OK for him to drive my kids anywhere
Not all boundaries are Deal Breakers, but it is important for you to know what yours are. What are the things that you are simply unwilling to negotiate in your life?